Why women stay in abusive relationship?
Why will someone continue being in a relationship with a man who hits her, lets her down and doesn’t respect her? Why would she maintain two jobs
to pay for rent and put food on the table while her man sits drinking all day? If she didn’t end it, it was either her fault or she must have enjoyed it. Right? Once she ends such a relationship we say, “she didn’t try hard enough to fix things, she should have thought about her child’s future, she should have tried to sober him up, she shouldn’t have argued with him”.
So what is it that makes them continue such relationships? Have you ever thought before passing a judgement or making a comment or contributing to the gossip? Here are few of your questions answered and YES they do make sense.
What makes you think that this is a healthy relationship and abuses are normal?
My father beat my mom – it just goes with being in a relationship
Getting hit isn’t the worst thing that can happen in a family – I know of worse things
My parents never gave up on one another
My friend is in an abusive relationship, but she didn’t end it
Why didn’t you leave?
My partner did not let me leave. He locked me inside my house
My partner will attack me whenever I’m alone
My partner said he will hunt me down and kill me
My partner will take away my children from me
He has all my important documents such as passports, immigration papers, locker keys, debit cards.
My partner will spread horrible rumors about me
Why do you think this is the best you will get?
I’m nothing. I don’t deserve better
I can’t face making decisions anymore
I was brainwashed to believe that I couldn’t cope without my partner
I am so used to life being this way
I’m more comfortable with what I know, than the unknown out in the world.
Having children doesn’t change a thing!
My children will blame me and resent me
The kids need a father
Children need a “real family”
My partner will steal the children
My partner will harm the children
My partner will turn the children against me
Why don’t you call someone?
My partner doesn’t let me out of the house
I have no friends to call for help anymore
My partner doesn’t let me take English classes so I can’t communicate with anyone
If I ever tell anyone about this, my partner will kill me
My sister said I couldn’t come and stay with her anymore, after the last time…
My partner said he or she would teach my friend a lesson if I go over there again
What are you waiting for, what is there to look for in a this relationship?
I believe my partner when he says that it will never happen again
My partner promised to go to therapy
I cherish the sex and intimacy
My partner is really loving towards me most of the time
My marriage vows
My religion
I love him
Why are you trying so her to continue this relationship?
I will ruin his life if I leave
My partner will have nowhere to go
My partner will lose his job if I report this
My partner tells me the system does not support non-citizens
My partner will start drinking, or doing drugs again
I will disappoint my family. I can’t admit my relationship is a failure
I am afraid the deaf community will reject me
I have to take care of him
He wouldn’t hurt me if I were better at keeping up the house.
So what you are economically dependent on your partner or your partner is economically dependent on you?
My partner has all the money
I’ve never had a good job. How would I take care of my kids alone?
I have no work experience in this country
It’s better to be beaten up at home than to be out on the streets
My partner won’t let me send any money overseas
My disability does not enable me to work
I’d rather die than be on welfare
My partner forces me to work and then takes all my money
My partner charges up all my credit cards
My partner can’t work – he depends on me to support him
Victim-blaming is easy and but why someone chooses to be in a relationship or end it is entirely their decision. The reason why someone continue to be with her abuser is far more complex than her upbringing, strength of will, and not having “a support”. Whatever it is, we are no one to judge, because WE are the reason! Our culture sends the message that a woman’s value depends on her being in a relationship. Women without partners tend to be devalued by the society. We tell them it is their male partner that keep them together. You have to have a man by your side and cannot survive in the world alone.
We should encourage them to decide when it is an appropriate time, and how to carry out that decision. Many victims do not even know that it is okay to leave. There are reasons to leave and there are reasons to stay too. Do not judge, help break the cycle of abuse! Find out how you can help them, do not impose your opinion, wait for them to realise and then come to you for help. There are several agencies that help.
Why will someone continue being in a relationship with a man who hits her, lets her down and doesn’t respect her? Why would she maintain two jobs
to pay for rent and put food on the table while her man sits drinking all day? If she didn’t end it, it was either her fault or she must have enjoyed it. Right? Once she ends such a relationship we say, “she didn’t try hard enough to fix things, she should have thought about her child’s future, she should have tried to sober him up, she shouldn’t have argued with him”.
So what is it that makes them continue such relationships? Have you ever thought before passing a judgement or making a comment or contributing to the gossip? Here are few of your questions answered and YES they do make sense.
What makes you think that this is a healthy relationship and abuses are normal?
My father beat my mom – it just goes with being in a relationship
Getting hit isn’t the worst thing that can happen in a family – I know of worse things
My parents never gave up on one another
My friend is in an abusive relationship, but she didn’t end it
Why didn’t you leave?
My partner did not let me leave. He locked me inside my house
My partner will attack me whenever I’m alone
My partner said he will hunt me down and kill me
My partner will take away my children from me
He has all my important documents such as passports, immigration papers, locker keys, debit cards.
My partner will spread horrible rumors about me
Why do you think this is the best you will get?
I’m nothing. I don’t deserve better
I can’t face making decisions anymore
I was brainwashed to believe that I couldn’t cope without my partner
I am so used to life being this way
I’m more comfortable with what I know, than the unknown out in the world.
Having children doesn’t change a thing!
My children will blame me and resent me
The kids need a father
Children need a “real family”
My partner will steal the children
My partner will harm the children
My partner will turn the children against me
Why don’t you call someone?
My partner doesn’t let me out of the house
I have no friends to call for help anymore
My partner doesn’t let me take English classes so I can’t communicate with anyone
If I ever tell anyone about this, my partner will kill me
My sister said I couldn’t come and stay with her anymore, after the last time…
My partner said he or she would teach my friend a lesson if I go over there again
What are you waiting for, what is there to look for in a this relationship?
I believe my partner when he says that it will never happen again
My partner promised to go to therapy
I cherish the sex and intimacy
My partner is really loving towards me most of the time
My marriage vows
My religion
I love him
Why are you trying so her to continue this relationship?
I will ruin his life if I leave
My partner will have nowhere to go
My partner will lose his job if I report this
My partner tells me the system does not support non-citizens
My partner will start drinking, or doing drugs again
I will disappoint my family. I can’t admit my relationship is a failure
I am afraid the deaf community will reject me
I have to take care of him
He wouldn’t hurt me if I were better at keeping up the house.
So what you are economically dependent on your partner or your partner is economically dependent on you?
My partner has all the money
I’ve never had a good job. How would I take care of my kids alone?
I have no work experience in this country
It’s better to be beaten up at home than to be out on the streets
My partner won’t let me send any money overseas
My disability does not enable me to work
I’d rather die than be on welfare
My partner forces me to work and then takes all my money
My partner charges up all my credit cards
My partner can’t work – he depends on me to support him
Victim-blaming is easy and but why someone chooses to be in a relationship or end it is entirely their decision. The reason why someone continue to be with her abuser is far more complex than her upbringing, strength of will, and not having “a support”. Whatever it is, we are no one to judge, because WE are the reason! Our culture sends the message that a woman’s value depends on her being in a relationship. Women without partners tend to be devalued by the society. We tell them it is their male partner that keep them together. You have to have a man by your side and cannot survive in the world alone.
We should encourage them to decide when it is an appropriate time, and how to carry out that decision. Many victims do not even know that it is okay to leave. There are reasons to leave and there are reasons to stay too. Do not judge, help break the cycle of abuse! Find out how you can help them, do not impose your opinion, wait for them to realise and then come to you for help. There are several agencies that help.
